'My mom wants to move back in after abandoning us, because her boyfriend broke up with her.' UPDATED 2X (A DAY LATER)
"My mom thinks she deserves to move in after her boyfriend broke up with her."
Hi sorry if this is all over the place that’s how my head is at the moment. My(20f) mom(41f) is wanting to move back with me and my siblings. I’ll try to keep it short but basically she and my stepdad got divorced in November of 2020 because he caught her texting another guy.
It was messy and he ended up leaving that same night and we didn’t hear from him for a few months which I don’t blame him for since he was going through a lot (betrayal) and needed to process some things. He’s still very much supportive and takes care of us kids.
I say “step dad” just for the story but I do take him as my true dad. My bio dad wasn’t in the picture much at all and my step dad took me in as his own when I was a baby.
So he is my dad. This is relevant because I feel some people might think I don’t have a close relationship with him, but I do. He’s the best and I love him. He treats me like his own. After that she left and moved in with said guy and has left us four siblings at home without any parental supervision and has been like that since.
She was really horrible to us kids since she moved in with the guy and treated us like we were a burden, sometimes acting like we didn’t exist while she played “mommy” to his younger kids. Me and my older sibling had to step up and take care of us all (me up until I was legal age) but I helped.
When she left all she said was “there’s more than enough of you to rely on each other” and “you’ll get it when you’re older and have children of your own.”
Personally, I wouldn’t abandon my kids for a toxic guy. But maybe that’s just me. (Sarcasm)
She would come back sometimes, but it was only for a day or two to come and get clothes or if they got into a fight and then leave back to him who lives three to four hours away. We got into a huge argument a few months ago when she and the guy broke up and he kicked her out for the billionth time and tried to guilt us saying “kids need their moms” and all that.
I told her something along the lines of “when did you care about this five years ago when you left us claiming we’d understand when we were older? We’re older now and we still don’t understand how a woman can do that to her kids.”
After that she got mad and that’s where the argument started, she said some not so nice things about me and my siblings that I won’t repeat here but just know it was things a mother should never say to her kids. It ended with her going and staying at our grandparents and texting my older sibling and I guilt trips and playing victim that my grandparents told us to block her.
But spoiler alert, she went right back to him a few days later. After this my older sibling took her to court for custody of our younger siblings and the house and told her if she doesn’t hand over the kids or the house in their name peacefully, they’d out her in court and tell them what she’s been doing. Blackmail isn’t right I know. But it worked.
My mom gave the house and the kids to my older sibling and claimed to be an unfit parent. That was it. Now, she and the guy broke up and are apparently done for good as he’s thrown out all of her things, she got a new number and called my older sibling asking if she could have her room back in the house and she would “never leave us again."
We’ve already turned her room into the youngest’s and she likes her space. Obviously we told her no. This is when she started playing the victim card and tried turning it around on us saying that we are mean and she’s “done everything for us kids” and that “our dad turned us against her."
We told her our dad doesn’t even talk about her anymore unless we bring her up and then she started getting mad saying we are “ungrateful brats” AGAIN, and that we should be thanking her for even giving us the house and not throwing us out like she wanted.
She then proceeded to demand that we let her move in and that she wasn’t taking no for an answer, that she raised us and that she’s still the mom and has final say. We threatened her and told her if she even tries anything, we would get the police involved, but so far, that hasn’t stopped her.
She’s going to try and move in sometime tomorrow because all she said was “we’ll talk in person about this, see you soon. Love you.” and honestly don’t even know what to do if she does. I really hope she doesn’t go through with it so we don’t have to get the police involved but so far, that looks like where it’s going. Today we changed the locks thanks to some advice.
EDIT: Good morning, I honestly really didn’t think this would get that much attention. I just posted and went to sleep. I just brought the kids to school and am at work till noon. My older sibling is at home waiting to see if she shows up this morning at all.
We decided to take shifts (them for the morning and me for the afternoon) so the house isn’t left alone. We also contacted our uncle and aunt on my dad’s side for support in case. Thank you so much for the nice and supportive words and the advice! I’ll make sure to read everything once I can. Have a good day.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Mom tells kids they can fend for themselves. Is upset to learn they actually can. Some people man.
If and when she inevitably tries to come over/move in. Don't let her in and immediately call the police to get her trespassed from the property. That will create a paperwork trail that will allow the police to potentially arrest her if she comes back again. Also make sure to have all the relevant paperwork on hand (custody & home ownership) and ready to show the police. Good luck!
Also, don’t tell the police “our mom is trying to move back in” - when you call, tell them “the woman who used to own this house is trying to break back in.” Then when they get there you can explain the story - if you say “mom,” there’s too much risk they’ll show up already deciding she’s the adult in this situation and SURELY she’s allowed in her kids’ house.
The same day, OP shared an update:
Hi, before I get into the update, let me just clear a few things up to the best of my ability with my somewhat clueless ass lmfao. I saw a lot of questions about some stuff so I’ll answer here, even though I don’t feel like completely airing out my own family and our business. But I guess I did post for the whole internet to see, so that’s on me lmao
Where was dad in all of this? After the divorce my mom kept custody of us kids and he wasn’t allowed to be at the house with us, after the messy divorce, my mom took basically everything from him and he was couch surfing on friends couches until he got enough for an apartment.
He didn’t have enough room to move all of us kids with him but he was and is still very supportive and very much in our lives as much as he can be.
As for the house, the rent was in my mom’s name for a while after the divorce until we told the landlord about our situation and were wondering if it was possible if we could get the name under my older sibling’s name. I don’t know, my older sibling handled the legal stuff so I’m not too sure what all happened, all I know is that it somehow worked out thank goodness.
At the time my mom was still paying for the rent and utilities so I GUESS that counts for something, somewhat. But we did have to make our own money for groceries and take care of the kids ourselves and she eventually stopped paying for it all together as we got older before it was moved into my older sibling’s name so that helped us get it into my older sibling’s name too.
The legal guardian switch to my older sibling. I’m not too sure about how and what happened unfortunately. I just know that they went to court, my mom willingly gave over custody because we blackmailed her, and that’s was that. I’m sorry I don’t know much about the legal process or how it happened.
Where we’re from, we aren’t from the US. That’s all I’m gonna say.
This is AI. This one made me laugh because, does our life really sound like an AI story? Weird. I dunno what to tell you, if you believe this is all fake, then move along I don’t know lmao. Thank you to those who have given advice and support.
I think that’s all the stuff mentioned in the comments of my post, now on with the update. In the morning I dropped the kids off at school and went to work, my older sibling stayed home in case my mom showed up. I got off at noon and we switched off so my older sibling went to work and I came home.
My mom texted and told us that she would be here around 5 pm. We told her once again that we wouldn’t be letting her move in and that she needs to find somewhere else to go because it’s not here. She replied with a simple “don’t be like that.” And my older sibling told her “show up, the cops will be waiting” and she didn’t reply after that.
She showed up around 3 when it was just me and my uncle here and my uncle immediately stood up and walked out to talk to her. I called my older sibling and told them that she was here and my sibling told me to call the cops. I called the cops and went outside after that.
When I went outside I saw her screaming at my uncle and was telling him he couldn’t “keep her from her kids." I stepped in and told her that no one was keeping us from her, it was OUR decision not wanting her here. She turned to me and told me not to talk like that to her.
I told her I can and will talk to her however I want because she treated us however she wanted like when she wants to act like we were her kids only when it was convenient for her. Of course she didn’t take this well and started getting mad saying we were being dramatic and that she didn’t do anything wrong. That she left us because she knew that we were more than old enough to handle ourselves.
That she needed to be happy too. I sort of laughed at her and said “yeah? and how’d that work out?” This argument went on until my older sibling showed up with the younger siblings and they told her she had to leave and that the police were called.
My mom told them that she wasn’t going anywhere because she was our mom and she wasn’t going to let us “disrespect” her like this. My older sibling said that was fine and we could wait for the cops. My uncle tried to take the civil approach and told her she didn’t have to make this hard and she could just leave and stay somewhere else like my grandparents.
She didn’t take too kindly to that and once again, started cussing him out telling him to stay out of it and even went as far as slapping him. By this time, the kids were still in the car and were getting upset about all the screaming she was doing and I told her she needed to stop because she was upsetting the kids.
My older sibling quickly got the kids out and told me to bring them inside and stay with them. I took them inside and made sure to calm them down until the police arrived. I don’t know what exactly happened after that, I was watching from the window but couldn’t really hear anything and was told it was just more arguing on her part.
My older sibling told me that she also started harassing them because they’re nonbinary and said some not so nice words about them which really angered me. Eventually after about 10 minutes the police arrived and they asked what was happening and whatever and I went out because they wanted my side.
So I told them and they asked for documents and my older sibling went inside to grab everything from their room. The police looked over them and asked more questions and after that they told her she needed to leave and that it was up to my uncle if he wanted to press charges for the as**ult.
That’s when she started crying and saying things like “I just want to be back with my kids” and started apologizing for everything she did but the police just kept saying “I know I know but we can’t do anything about that, if they don’t want you here then you can’t be here.” And things like that.
She eventually left and the cops asked if my uncle wanted to press charges and he said no it was fine. So that was that. They told us that if she shows up again to call and she’ll be arrested. We don’t know where she is or if she’s coming back, hopefully not. Anyways yeah, that’s basically what happened.
Here's what people had to say to OP's update:
If your uncle has to do this again and if she slaps him or any of you, press charges. She has to understand that she screwed up big time. She will have to do a lot for herself to reconcile with you and your siblings. If she wants back in, then counseling is a good idea. She needs to clean up if she’s into hard substances.
Sad situation all around, and I am glad you and your older sibling were able to step up. You kids need each other. Stay strong!!
I don't know you OP but I am proud of you and your older sibling for standing up to your mom and being supportive and constant influences over your younger siblings! I truly hope things look up for you going forward!
No, you should not let her move in with you guys. You should also block her number from all your phones and change the locks on the house. If she continues to harass you, get restraining orders for all of you. She’s nuts and is a danger to everyone.
WOW!!!! Your eldest sibling is the most wonderful human being ever!! How lucky you all have each other ... and your uncle! fwiw, my piece of advice is ... continue to be such a strong loving family!!!! Family, especially these days, is THANKFULLY, what you make it. I'M CHEERING FOR ALL OF YOU!!!!
Hours later, OP shared another update:
Continuing the questions here because for some reason they didn’t post when I wrote them.
The “complicated” family tree. My three siblings have the same bio dad aka my stepdad. My mom and him got together in 2001 I think?
Had my older sibling in 2002, broke up in 2004, my mom had me with my bio dad in 2005, then they didn’t work out after he cheated on her when I was a new born, then got back together with my stepdad almost immediately after and had stayed together and got married in 2011, had the two younger ones later on and split up and got divorced four years after the youngest one was born.
So yeah, that’s what I mean is that he raised me. He’s been in my life since I was in diapers and is the only dad I’ve known.
Our ages. My older sibling is 24, my mom had them at 17. I don’t feel comfortable with sharing the younger one’s ages online, just know they were a bit young when my mom took off with her now ex boyfriend. But my answer above should give you an idea if you wanna do the math yourself.
Why no one called CPS. Me and my older sibling didn’t want us to get separated from our younger siblings. My older sibling was 18 at the time when it all happened so was legally an adult. My grandparents and other family members helped us out when they could but no one had room for us and were under the impression that my mom would come back eventually.
We also just didn’t want to move them out of their childhood home and add to the stress and trauma of being left by our mom. Stupid? Immature? Maybe. But we got the hang of it. What has happened has happened.
Here's what people had to say to OP's update:
Your mom could manipulate your younger siblings to get them into your lives. Make sure your younger siblings know the story and the trauma you all had to go through. Deny her access if possible.
All I can say is thank goodness that your younger siblings had two strong role models. Although the fact any of you had to deal with her, her crap and the situations she put you into is well...crap!!! Now that this disturbance will be on police record, it may be a chance for a protective order? She is a menace to all of you. She made her choice. Good luck to all of you.
I am so very sorry that yall are going through this! Life is hard enough without a narcissistic mother! Sending big hugs to your family, you’re doing a great job! Be proud of what you’ve accomplished, it takes integrity and commitment, which you and your older sibling have a lot of!