'AITA for telling my husband to return a sweater he got me for my birthday?'
"AITA for telling my husband to return a sweater he got me for my birthday?"
My husband (M,33)bought me (F,36)the exact same sweater that I bought myself for motherʻs day. For my first Motherʻs day, my husband didnʻt do anything for me. Not a card, no breakfast in bed, no gifts what-so-ever.
I carried this baby for 10 excruciating months, dealing with stressors that no mom-to-be should ever have to deal with. Labor and delivery was horrific. The baby was delivered via emergency C-section. The healing process was terrible and turbulent. In postpartum, my mental and physical state was probably the worst state I have ever been in. I also have no village(friends or family) to turn to for help.
Fast-forward to my first motherʻs day, I wake up already sad and depressed, thinking maybe iʻd get a card, or breakfast in bed, seeing as how terribly saddened I was. but nope, nothing. not even a $1 card (or even a home-made one)
My husband wished me a happy motherʻs day. (at least he remembered it was motherʻs day?) and asked if I wanted to do anything. I did say no, but this was because I was already pretty bummed out about not getting anything, so we did nothing for Motherʻs day.
The next day, my sadness turned to anger. I was pretty livid that he couldnʻt even get me a card (yes, I am STILL pissed about it lol).. so I got myself a cheap $7 sweater from Amazon. It says “Overstimulated Momʻs club." (yeah, I know all you overstimulated moms out there have at least seen it, lol)
I got it for myself, because after a birthday and a Christmas passing by without “mom” gear, and my husband with at least 3 dad shirts, yeah, I was pretty pissed that I got nothing, when I went through ALL of the pain carrying and delivering this baby.
Fast-forward to my birthday, and he literally bought me the exact same sweater. When I say exact, I mean same print, same design, same color. I looked him in the eyes and told him, I bought that exact same sweater for myself for motherʻs day. He said "ok, I wasnʻt sure."
Iʻve worn this sweater probably 5x since I got it, and itʻs been laying on a chair in our bedroom. He literally passes by it every day, if not multiple times a day. I asked him to return it. AITA????
**edit** more details, we’ve been together for 12+ years. To be fair, he’s always been a little forgetful, but I have also requested a specific sweater since my last birthday, for xmas, mothers day, and now this years birthday. a friend of mine suggested making a list, I have. And it kind of helps? Until he loses the list lol
We have gone through couples counseling many times, and it usually does help. I've asked him to find someone he would feel comfortable with, but I don't think he put any effort into finding someone, because fast fwd a year, and I ended up finding the couples counselor, again, for the 3rd time.
He is a great dad to our son, and I am 💯 grateful that he Is a pretty present father. I just wish he would show up for me the way I do for him and the baby, and without having to ask every single time.
**edit** thank you for all who have seen my pain and to those who made supporting comments, but this was much heavier than I thought I could take on. I need to take a step back and focus on myself.
Here's what commenters had to say.
NTA obviously. Your husband sucks.
Exactly it’s not really about the $7 sweater. It’s about wanting to feel seen and appreciated by your partner, especially after everything she went through becoming a mom
NTA but please match his energy for fathers day, Christmas, birthdays etc. this man is truly using weaponised incompetence so your expectations for him as a dad and husband are 6 feet under. Please treat yourself to more than a $7 sweater.
If you have the option, pick a Saturday, pump milk or don’t, get up early, say nothing to hubby and just take the day. Go get a massage, a facial, go for a coffee and a walk… that kid is equally his. He will be fine. Fight fire with fire. If he doesn’t step up, you know it will never change and the next step is yours to choose.
NTA and I hope you return the energy on his birthday and Father's Day. Get him two exact sweaters with "Worlds most useless husband" printed on them. Bonus points if they are just a little bit too small...
NTA. Return it since you already own the exact one but I’m concerned about the emotional upset that your husband is doing to you because he is apparently inconsiderate. Has he always been this way and it’s only upsetting you now? Or perhaps he just is really bad about shopping and you may need to tell him items you like in a list he can surprise you with.
Totoro_Gogo OP:
He’s kind of always been like this, but not this bad…I’ve showed him what i’ve wanted, for my birthday last year, xmas, for mother’s day, and for my birthday this year. It’s been the same thing lol maybe he doesn't think I deserve it.
It's a sweater with the word mama in the middle and my son’s name with a heart on the sleeve…granted its not the cheapest thing…but its also under $70…and ive been asking for it for over a year now 😞