'AITA for refusing to give up the career opportunity of a lifetime for my BF of four years?'

"AITA for refusing to give up the opportunity of a lifetime for my boyfriend?"

So I (26F) am dating my bf (27m) for 4 years now. During our relationship we've made significant changes in our careers. We've met at minimum wage job and after that he had opened his own business (renovation company) which i helped him at a lot (i wrote a funding application which he got).

In the meantime, I got a job at a corporate institution and got quickly promoted as the person managing ~30 people. After 2 years I experienced awful mistreatment resulting in lawsuit and paid medical leave of 6 months.

At the end of it, while searching for a job opportunity I came by Air Traffic Controller recruitment. I started to read about it and I learned that ATC earn about 3x median payroll and have up to 40+ days of paid vacation time every year.

I checked what it takes to become one and was relieved that you don't have to have any qualifications, you just have to be at 2% top of the society in terms of spacial Intelligence, multitasking, decision-making and B2 English skills.

I thought i was always good at these things so I applied and got invitation for 6-step recruitment. Every year there are tens of thousands of people who apply and literally less then 10 people get into the study program. After 2 years maybe 2-4 of them gets license.

First I got to do online test, then I went to the institution to do FEAST I and II test, than some more test, Assessment center, and finally recruitment interview in English. I was finally informed I got into the program.

It doesn't mean i got the job. I had to complete very stressful and demanding course, with many test which failing would mean letting me go. It put a strain on my relationship as we were living together and I had to abruptly leave to study at the center for approx. 1.5 years.

I spend every week commuting to my BF who stayed at my house, literally studying every living second except meeting with him. We've been discussing immigrating into Scandinavian counties, as he would make significantly more money there, but i didn't want to go to another country without any qualifications. With ATC license I would be making 120k$ a year almost anywhere.

The thing is, he met someone, a business partner that gave him a good opportunity to leave NOW, and he wants me to leave with him. I've got less than couple months to end my course.

I told him I'm staying to finish but he insists we have to go now, because he will make good money "for sure" but I have little to no chance to "finish my course with the license."

It really hurt my feelings because I never doubted myself and I believe I'm fantastic at this job. I told him absolutely not but he reiterated what I said when we met that I would be ok being a SAHM. I guess I was and still am ok with that.

I really love him and we are really a good couple together, and I don't want to lose him if I choose to stay in program (we would be long distance almost half a year). I know he would make arrangements for me to be safe financially if I relied on him, he always showed green flags in that matter. I feel as I would be AH if I would want to finish my course even if I have little chance to do it successfully?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Main-Calligrapher244 said:

NTA: FINISH THE COURSE!!!!!!! Your first responsibility is to YOU. You have studied hard, you are nearly there. Get the qualifications, get some time and experience doing the role and building your own savings.

What if his business doesn't work out? What if he has a nasty accident and suddenly you are the breadwinner? What if you both outgrow each other and decide to go separate ways? Future proof yourself: get the qualification- you're nearly there! (Edit: typos)

StrangledInMoonlight said:

He can “GO NOW”.

There is zero reason why you can’t wait a few months to join him.

Unless he’s trying to sabotage you….

hellocloudshellosky said:

DO NOT LEAVE WITH HIM. NTA, but him? If he loves you, he would never suggest something so ridiculous. You should be very proud of how far you've gotten, and you're almost at the finish line! You're meant to just drop out from a program that accepts only the very top % of applicants? Never! He sounds insecure about your success, especially when he's starting something new.

Tell him you want the best for his new career and you need him to want the best for yours. Ideally, you get your license and an Air Traffic position, his business comes together and does well, you go on to make a great life together. But if he doesn't want the best for you now, there's nothing to build on. Get that license, come back and tell us and we'll celebrate your achievement!! ✈️💫

And Tricky-Narwhal-13 said:

Finish the course. He’s a boyfriend, not a husband. And you owe it to yourself to make yourself whole when it comes to capabilities and promise. If you don’t, you will regret it later. You owe it to yourself to try!

OP later shared this edit to her post:

Wow, I never expected this post to blow up like it did. For now, I'm reading comments, and one thing is clear : I'm finishing the course. Tomorrow I'll see him again and we'll talk about any solutions for this time apart.

Many of you suggested that his new "business partner" is a scam - it's not. My BF has been his contractor for months now. They are building industrial level metal constructions for farming. The thing is, new regulations are due to happen in EU countries next year, which means a LOT of changes that only so many people can do. Prices for this specialized labor are absolutely insane now.

His business partner is in his late 60, so he's willing to give up big clients as he won't leave the country now. There are hundreds of thousands of dollars to be made. My bf is employing 5 people who're willing to go right now.

Also, many of you suggested that my boyfriend has bad intentions towards me and is unsupportive. I don't think that's the case, I think he just believes it would be better for us now, but i can not ignore this issue when so many of you see it this way. I won't assume his intentions during our talk, and I'll try to see what his reactions are really showing. I'll let you know in a couple of days!