'AITA for being offended by someone not following the dress code for my dog’s birthday party?'
"AITA for being offended by someone not following the dress code for my dog’s birthday party?"
I know this sounds wacky, but it has been driving a wedge between me and my boyfriend the last few months. My dog turned 15 recently. I got him right out of high school and anyone who knows me knows he is one of the most important things in my life.
He was there when my boyfriend and I broke up, when I was homeless, and when I moved to NJ from OR, and when I moved back (driving both ways). None of that really matters when it comes to this. I love him, sure, but I don’t expect that to be important to anyone else.
The important part is that I have a yearly tradition of having a party for my dog. He kinda hates everyone, so the parties are more for appreciation of him than partying with him. That being said, I only have one rule. The dress code is all black. He is a Schipperke (pitch-black puppy) so it is fun for everyone to dress like him.
There have been a few times people have not worn all black, usually because they came over directly from work, but it was never malicious. That brings us to this summer. I invited one of my boyfriend’s friends because I didn’t want him to be alone and overwhelmed by the 12 of my friends that would be there. I told him the only thing that mattered was he wear all black.
He and his daughter showed up wearing all white.
I was a bit shocked when he showed up and was confused, but he spent the night making fun of me for having any reaction to what they wore.
Since then, he keeps making comments on how I am crazy and overreacting for caring about them “dressing wrong.” He invited us to his daughter’s birthday a few weeks ago and privately texted my boyfriend, “Don’t worry, there isn’t a dress code.” It came to a head tonight at dinner when he was continuously making rude remarks at my expense.
On top of this, he has been making it overwhelmingly clear to my boyfriend that he does not like me. My boyfriend keeps defending him and it has turned into an ongoing problem in our personal relationship. Everyone has been telling me I am crazy and overreacting about him wearing the wrong color to a dog’s birthday but that is not what I care about. He wasn’t forced to come over.
It was a dog’s birthday, it’s not that serious. The dress code was clear, but also not that serious. Him going out of his way to do the opposite of what he knew was important to me, then making fun of me for months, is what feels difficult for me. AITA for expecting more respect towards me and my old dog on his birthday?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA but your boyfriend is for not telling him to shut up and back off.
I think it's a fun tradition and there are plenty of guys who would enjoy it and defend you if their arsehole friends decided to keep attacking you. Ditch the boyfriend and his miserable excuse for a friend and find someone better.
I would assume your boyfriend is dissing you to his friend behind your back and perhaps even planned their outfit to enrage you. Do I think you getting upset over a dress code for a party is silly - yes, but I also think your life will be improved minus boyfriend and his friend.
When you say this has been driving a wedge between you for months....seriously just dump him already and find someone who finds your ridiculous whims charming.
NTA. And your boyfriend is displaying some toxic behavior. It doesn’t matter if it’s silly in their eyes. It’s important to you. The friend was being intentionally mocking and mean. The boyfriend should’ve called them out on that and had your back. He didn’t. And it’s likely only going to get worse.
Your partner should be loving and supportive. That doesn’t mean they have to agree with you on everything. But disagreements should come from a place from respect. Your boyfriend is being the opposite of respectful and you deserve better. Dog birthday parties are silly and fun!
You deserve someone you don’t have to make yourself smaller for. Don’t settle for someone who makes you feel inferior or makes you grapple with self doubt. Or someone who won’t stand up for you when someone is being cruel.
It doesn’t matter if the friend doesn’t like you. That’s no excuse for being rude. And the fact that your boyfriend lets him be rude to you says volumes. It’s not about the dog party. It’s about the immature and mean behavior that has been directed at you. Girl, run away from this nonsense before they belittle you into believing you don’t deserve better.
NTA. Some people in the comments seem to hate whimsy and fun. The issue isn't the not dressing up, its the ongoing weird behaviour and mocking.
Honestly the dress code isn't the issue here. The issue is this man has been outwardly rude to you several times, and is antagonist. Have a long hard think about how your boyfriend has handled this.
At the end of the day he is close with your boyfriend, and if your boyfriend wants to keep this friendship and relationship you will either not spend time together, or will be forced to, and would you be happy with that man being in your life? Personally you would hope your boyfriend wouldn't find a friend being outwardly rude to their girlfriend acceptable behaviour.
Just not bothering with the dress code would be one thing.
For him to intentionally do the opposite, and then keep going on about it for weeks afterwards, is really weird behaviour. He sounds like an AH.
NTA and I was ready to call you out . He was a guest and not only disregarded your dress code but openly mocked it and you. Your boyfriend is a weak AH and I really hope you have a second thought about his role in your life.