'AITA for leaving my brother's wedding because of what his bride said?'
"AITA for leaving my brother's wedding because of what his bride said?"
My SIL and I aren't close, but we keep a civil relationship since she's now...officially a part of the family. We've had a number of disagreements in the past, some of them had to do with the wedding. Not gonna get into much details but it's fair to say that things sort of got worse at the wedding.
My son's been sick the whole week. I obviously couldn't miss the wedding, so I had to find proper arrangements to make sure my son was taken care of (no one in the family wanted to watch him since they all attended the wedding which was child free).
Anyway, I did my best to make it and share in their joy and happiness. I love my brother, I couldn't possibly miss his wedding though I was exhausted.
It all started when SIL made a comment about my hair. She pointed out how I didn't get my roots touched up and how it made me look. She made this comment in front of the guests, so I sort of snapped and said that my son was sick all week and that I was sorry I couldn't visit the hair salon just to look "presentable" at her perfect wedding.
We started arguing back and forth and I decided to leave. My mom and brother tried to get me to come back but I was so exhausted and the situation with SIL was the straw.
She kept talking about how I blew things out of proportion and that she only meant well, and made a comment about how I basically ruined my relationship with my brother who's currently not speaking to me. To this day, I'm still being told I shouldn't have left my brother's wedding and reacted like that.
Maybe I made a hasty decision, but I just couldn't get past that comment, especially when she didn't even consider my son's situation.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. No one’s roots could’ve ruined my wedding. It’s truly not that deep
I was literally too busy enjoying my day to notice anyone's roots. Some people's priorities are completely out of whack
This had nothing to do with her roots and everything to do with her new SIL setting the tone for their relationship moving forward. There is always going to be a bone of contention between them so I hope the brother is prepared to play referee for years to come. The SIL sounds like an absolute delight! /s
NTA. Why would anyone be criticizing someone in public like that? Yours was a normal reaction. I’m sorry your SIL sucks
Stock-Ask3977 OP:
The I was willing to let it go if it wasn't for the horrible looks I've gotten from others. Not talking about family, but her friends and relatives. Some I've never even met!
How did she mean well? You need to press her on that claim. Did she have a magical hairstylist on hand that could have instantly fixed your roots? Because if she doesn't have a solution on hand, then how does bringing it up have any good intentions behind it?
A person that tells you something that can be remedied on the spot, like that you have something stuck in your teeth, means well; a person who tells you your teeth are crooked does not.
"I apologize for treating a rude comment like a rude comment. I'll grow thicker skin before your next wedding."
OP won’t have to attend SIL’s next wedding because she’ll officially…NOT be part of the family then.
I fail to see how her comments could have been construed as meaning well. At my wedding I didn't say a single bad thing on anyone's appearance... just I love your dress/shoes/hair/suit...
Clearly she was goading you to make a scene to start a fight and you should have just walked away from it, and told your brother she was being rude after the wedding. Causing a scene at the wedding made you look bad to your brother
Stock-Ask3977 OP:
I really have no idea what she meant. But it was clear the moment she said she meant to make a scene because she knew how I been struggling days prior to the wedding. She's pulled similar stunts like when my husband passed away. From that day I've decided to keep a distance while staying civil.
Really seems like her goal was to alienate her husband from his sister. Unfortunately that’s a him problem. Hopefully he sees through it soon and you can build your relationship back up again.
Esh. It's obvious that you had issues with it being child free or some other part of the wedding. I'm basing this on your statement about having disagreements about the wedding. It's not your wedding so why do you think your opinion matters?
She sucks because she shouldn't have made a comment about your hair. Though it seems like you were just waiting for any little thing to set you off. Stay home with your sick kid next time and don't make it all about you.
Stock-Ask3977 OP:
Where did I say that I had issues with the wedding being child-free? In fact, I was the only one among my relatives who didn't argue about it. At the same time, SIL should've understood that I was dealing with my son's sickness and obviously didn't have time to prepare well for the wedding.
If you supported the child free wedding, then why were you only arranging childcare the week of when your kid got sick?
You clapped back. In public. You took it to a petty level with that one sentence. In public. And then you took off. I’m not on your side
I went to a wedding shortly after I’d finished chemo. I couldn’t wear a wig and I remember the bride and all her family telling me to forget the wig and just enjoy myself so I did.
I went outside to cool off on my wedding day, asked a girlfriend to unzip me a bit so I could get some airflow.
Then proceeded to wander around my wedding, dancing and visiting, with my dress unzipped for at least an hour, if not more 😂
That’s how it should be. Not giving a s&%^ about someone’s ROOTS