'AITA for going out by myself for my birthday instead of her fancy dinner reservation?'

"AITA for going out by myself for my birthday instead of her fancy dinner reservation?"

This has been an ongoing issue and it came to a head yesterday. My wife is a planner, it is extremely hard for her to just go with the flow. If we are going to do something she needs all the details.(EDIT: she does have OCD, I forgot to include that, that is why she is such a planner)

A while ago she asked what I wanted to do for my birthday. I have been burnt out from work so I told her I just want to go to a chain restaurant around here on my day. Just a chill night out. I don’t want to get dressed up or anything. She asked where and what time. I told her, I’ll just pick day of what I am feeling.

Maybe I want Olive Garden or maybe I want to get Chinese takeout. I express many times I don’t want to plan anything and just go with the day. Really I just wanted to go eat what I was feeling that day. This week she asked what time and I told her when we both get home so like 5-6 we can go out.

She was frustrated I was giving her an answer about where to eat and I told her multiple times what I am feeling that day. She asked if we needed reservations and I told her no, multiple times. We will be a walk in on a Wednesday to a chain restaurant.

She asked if I wanted anything fancy and I told her no. I just wanted a simple night. Yesterday was the issue. I wanted Olive Garden. Go home, gets some breadsticks and chill the rest of the night. I get home around 5 and my wife is all dressed up. I asked why and she said she made reservations for the fancy sushi place in the city. She said it was a surprise and we need to leave in about 20 mins.

Nothing has sounded so unappealing to me in my life. I told her I wanted to go to Olive Garden, we got into an argument about how she spent all this effort to get a reservation. I told her I didn’t want any of this. In the end, I left to go to Olive Garden by myself. We got into another argument after I can back.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Numerous_Spend8002 said:

NTA your wife didn’t spend that effort for you, she spent it for herself. She knows that - she’s just mad she didn’t get her way. She’s 10000% in the wrong.

Impressive_Moment786 said:

NTA. We got into an argument about how she spent all this effort to get a reservation. All this effort, she made a phone call. You said what you wanted for your birthday and she decided to ignore that and book something she wanted to do for your birthday. That is crappy.

Illustrious_Stage351 said:

NTA. I’m a planner. Plans make me feel good, but my ex was not and going with the flow made him happy. So, on birthdays or events for him, that’s exactly what we did and I tucked away (sometimes with difficulty) the planner side of me. And events and birthdays for me, he made a plan and tucked away his go with the flow personality. Because the biggest thing is being heard and seen on YOUR day.

SnapSlapRepeat said:

My sister-in-law does stuff like this. She will put together some big event that no one asked for (and sometimes actively told her not to do) and then act like we are the bad guys for not appreciating all the effort she put into things. Your wife is the problem in this situation. If she can't be reasoned with enough to see and admit that, you have bigger issues on your hand.

V3lar1s said:

NTA. I'm all for compromises on usual days (like, if your wife needs to know what happens beforehand to relax, you could at least choose the day before), but it was your birthday and you clearly communicated what you wanted. Additionaly there was enough of a plan that she could mentally prepare what was about to happen at the evening.

She not only ignored what you wanted anyway, she organized what SHE wanted, tried to frame it as a surprise she did for you and then apparently was offended when you weren't happy about it. Your reaction was more then justified, and it's sad your wife couldn't even accommodate this once for your birthday.

That_Bee_Baker said:

NTA. It sounds like she wanted an excuse to go to a fancier place to celebrate. That's not necessarily bad, if she had been clear up front and you agreed. But it wasn't what you wanted. Happy Birthday, and I hope you got to take home bonus birthday breadsticks