'My girlfriend suddenly has time for everyone but me. AITA?' + UPDATE AND SCREENSHOTS
"My girlfriend suddenly has time for everyone but me. AITA?"
I have been in a relationship for about four years now. For the first three years everything was fine but lately something is off. We barely see each other in person and we don’t talk on the phone or FaceTime much anymore at all. We haven’t had sex in almost a year now.
Every time I try to make plans to see her, she is always too tired or too sick but somehow she finds the time to go hangout with her friends, most recently she went to a 4th of July party and I didn’t hear from her that entire weekend. She texted me on Monday morning and told me how much she loved me after ghosting me that entire weekend.
Literally every time I want to see her it’s always a reason why I can’t see her! I found out recently she signed up for a gym class that starts pretty late at night. 8pm to be exact every Thursday.
She won’t tell me where this gym is or who the instructor is. I have no proof that it even exist but for someone so tired and sick all the time. How do you have the energy for a night time gym class?
I recently told her how I felt and she apologized and assured me nothing was wrong but my gut feeling is telling me that she is definitely seeing someone else, giving her attention to someone else, and definitely has had relations.
I also had a brief conversation with her on the phone and I asked her did she want to talk and fall asleep on the phone together like we used to do. She told me she doesn’t like talking on the phone anymore and mentioned the last time she fell asleep with someone on the phone that her phone got hot, but the thing is that someone wasn’t me and then when I asked her who that was.
She started stuttering and said some random name of a female friend that I never heard of and I know all of her friends.
Am I cooked? Give it to me straight.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Are you sure that you're even still in a relationship with her at this point?
Cut your losses and remove yourself from the husk which is all that's left of this 'relationship'.
This_Sell_3092 OP:
It’s far from a relationship. Just holding onto someone that let themselves go, a long time ago. Coming to the realization hurts but I know what needs to be done.
Yeah sorry bro that ain’t your girl anymore.. welcome to the gym life.
This_Sell_3092 OP:
I really wish she would just admit it rather than stringing me along.
Yes and no: I cant tell you from this if she is actually cheating on you, but if you aren't getting what you need from your partner, move on. If you feel things have changed, they probably have.
This_Sell_3092 OP:
Yeah I’m not happy at all and I feel like once I tell her how I feel and tell her I’m ready to let go and move on. Somehow she’ll start crying and make herself a victim.
NTA. She pretty much outted herself to you with the whole phone situation. I’ve been on the receiving end of this but with an ex-boyfriend. All of a sudden he was “too busy” for me and hanging out with “friends” and making excuses, no text updates, nothing. Wouldn’t make time to see me (even though he lived not even 10 mins from me) and wouldn’t have relations with me for months.
Turns out he was cheating on me with one of my friends. It was the biggest/most impactful heartbreak I’ve ever had in my life because we were each other’s first kiss, first intimate partner, everything. But I let it get to me more than it should’ve and made some pretty terrible decisions after the fact.
But jokes on them cus she cheated on him whenever she came home to visit, and vice versa. Karma’s a bihh and a half. So yeah dude just leave her, for your own sanity. I hope it doesn’t hurt too much since it seems things were already rocky before she started acting out.
And most importantly, take care of yourself, mentally and physically. Don’t let this affect you/hurt you more than it should. Being bitter does no one good. You deserve better and better will come. I’m sorry this happened to you, good luck. Godspeed.
Two days later, OP returned with an update.
Last week my ex had 1000 excuses for why she couldn’t see me and I told her that I wanted to try out going to this new restaurant that opened up, with her. After giving me nothing but excuses all week long and telling me how sick she was throughout the week.
She randomly called me on a Sunday evening and I asked her where she was. Turns out she was at the same new restaurant I suggested we go to but she went with a “friend”.
This immediately triggered me because she made no time for me and it’s always something when I wanted to see her but all of a sudden she’s finally up and able and at the spot I told her I wanted to try out with her. It was like a slap in the face.
What made it worse is my sister unfortunately passed away that same day on Sunday. She basically ghosted me the entire day and didn’t reach out at all. The first time she did reach out is when she called me to let me know she was at the restaurant with her friend.
I gave her one more chance and asked her if she just wanted me to come over once she got home but if you look at the screenshots she told me she didn’t know when she would be home and I just finally had enough.
OP then provided the screenshots for us.
Thanks for all the words of encouragement and support on here.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
She doesn’t seem bothered by the breakup and was just on with it.
Move on, find someone who appreciates you the way you are.
The lesson of so many of these posts really boils down to “get in relationships with people who want to be in a relationship with you, and leave the ones that don’t.”
And this is surprisingly hard! Having been in a relationship with a woman who never really wanted me, ending up being married and having a kid — while she'd been off cheating a couple of times during the years.
I ask myself so often why I couldn't just leave her alone from the get go, but chasing something was exciting and wanting to change her... That was not a smart move, stupid childhood trauma.
Damn all of that and all you get is "thoughts and prayers"? Very sorry for it hitting the fan in every worse possible way, including your loss.
Several years ago I lost my brother and a couple months later had a similar breakup, so I get it. Trust me that this will be one a positive shift in your life. There's a lot of room for things to go up from here.
Read the first one since you linked it then came back and read this one. She was 100% cheating. Breakup didn't phase her for a second. I'm sorry for your loss for your sister and sorry about essentially losing your relationship at the same time but it sounds like its been gone for awhile. I hope you find someone that cares for you soon bro.
Hey OP- there’s a lot of grief in your post but I don’t want to overlook the loss of your sister. I’m so sorry, and I hope you and your family expresses that grief however needed and with those that love them.
This isn't even lack of respect or empathy or caring. This is extreme forking cruelty. Someone needs to actively seek to destroy a person to act like this. She's probably forking laughing her nasty rear off writing these messages. I'm in a freaking state of rage right now. Keep your chin up OP. You'll be ahead in the long run! NTA × a bajillion.
I’m sorry for your losses, both your sister and relationship. It is a really difficult thing to have to go through and you have a double dose. Your ex was not worthy of you. You definitely deserve better, and you certainly deserve to be happy!
My advice: go to that restaurant. Go do things. Go live your life! You don’t need anyone to go with you, not a girlfriend, friend. Enjoy yourself. Life is precious. Too precious to be stuck depending on people who drain you. You’ll find someone who deserves your respect and love.