'AITA for banning MIL from our home after learning she has been inviting over my husband's ex?
"AITA for banning my mother in law from our home after I found out she has been secretly inviting my husband’s ex to family events?"
I am a thirty year old marketing manager, and I have been married to my husband for two years. We have a four month old baby girl, and until recently I thought my relationship with my mother in law was fine, even if she was a bit controlling. She always said she wanted us to be one big happy family, and I believed her. Three weeks ago my husband’s cousin let something slip at a barbecue.
She said she was happy to see the “old gang” back together at the last family dinner, and when I asked what she meant, she went pale and said I should ask my mother in law. I did not want to cause a scene, so I quietly went through the family group photos, and there she was in three different pictures from the last six months.
She was my husband’s ex girlfriend, the one he was with for four years before me, standing right next to my mother in law, smiling, with her arm around her. I was not invited to any of those dinners, because each time I was told it was just a small gathering and the baby needed rest. When I showed my husband the photos he looked sick, and he told me honestly that he had no idea.
He had been told the dinners were only for the older relatives, and he had skipped most of them because of work. I confronted my mother in law calmly on the phone, and instead of apologising she said the ex was “like a daughter” to her, that she had never liked how fast we got married, and that she had only been keeping the door open in case things did not work out between us.
I told her that was disrespectful to me, to my husband and to our daughter, and that she was no longer welcome in our home until she apologized properly and stopped contacting the ex about family matters. She cried, called me dramatic and insecure, and said I was keeping her granddaughter away from her over some photos.
Now my husband’s aunts and two of his cousins are messaging me saying I am tearing the family apart, and one of them said I should be grateful my mother in law helps with the baby at all.
Yesterday my mother in law sent a message saying she is coming to our house on Sunday with the whole family and that we will “settle this properly once and for all”, and she has also hinted that she knows something about me that my husband should hear.
I honestly have no idea what she means, but my husband says he is standing with me and that he will not open the door. So am I the hero here for protecting my marriage and my daughter, or am I the asshole for cutting off my mother in law over a few photos? What do you think, am I the hero or the AITA? I will post an update next week if people want to know what happens.
Here's what commenters had to say.
NTA. She was secretly inviting his ex and hoping your marriage would fail, that's not family, that's sabotage. Stand your ground.
Thank you! "Sabotage" is the exact right word for it. Trying to keep his ex in rotation while quietly praying our marriage collapses is evil, especially with a baby in the picture. My husband and I are standing completely united on this.
NTA. Don't tell them and go out for the day so nobody is there when the bully turns up.
That is actually a genius idea! Packing up the baby and spending the entire day out at a park or a quiet lunch sounds so much better than sitting at home waiting for a confrontation. Letting them show up to an empty, locked house sends the ultimate message.
Hell no that’s disrespectful as hell especially if you already have a daughter, don’t listen to that narcissist and if your husband can’t see what’s going on he’s dumb too.
Fortunately, my husband fully sees how toxic this is and is standing right by my side, he's the one who promised to keep the door locked on Sunday. Protecting our daughter and our marriage comes first, no matter how much she throws a fit.
NTA and I’d tell her she’s going to end up with a restraining order against her. I’d be worried she’s faked proof of you cheating or something. She’s a manipulative AH.
*you said your husband skipped most of those dinners. Does that mean he saw her at one and didn’t tell you?
How can you tear apart the family when your mother in law literally left the door open. NOR - stand up for yourself, your marriage and your family, stick to your guns and make her apologize. I also think your husband needs to strongly clarify things for his rude mother.
Is this real? If so this is absolutely awful and I’m so sorry they’re doing this to you. What a horrible person your MIL is. This probably won’t get better.. I hope your husband is fully committed to cutting his family off because Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry- I hope you can get past this quickly and enjoy life with your baby instead of worrying about this BS
It honestly feels like a surreal nightmare, but my husband is completely disgusted by her behavior and has my back 100%. Our focus right now is just keeping our baby safe and enjoying our little family, away from all this toxic drama.