"AITA for seasoning the food I cooked?"
My wife's family is the stereotypical "family that doesn't season food." For the record, I'm white too, so this isn't a cultural thing. My mother-in-law is incredibly kind and cooks dinner for us often since we live nearby. The only issue is that the food is usually very plain.
Think Cornish hens with no seasoning, mashed potatoes that are literally just mashed potatoes with no butter, cream, sour cream, chives, or anything else mixed in, and thin well-done steaks that look like they came off one of those "$40 for 20 cuts of meat" truck sales.
Their family philosophy is that everyone seasons their own food after it's on their plate. They'll add Country Crock to the potatoes, salt and pepper, or dip meat into A1, ketchup, or BBQ sauce.
One time my mother-in-law was taking plain chicken breasts out to the grill, and I asked if I could season mine before it was cooked. She didn't seem offended at all and let me. My wife, however, thought it was rude. My thinking was that seasoning belongs on the food before it's cooked so it has a chance to develop flavor instead of just sitting on top afterward.
More recently, I offered to make BBQ wings for everyone. I seasoned the wings with garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, salt, and pepper, grilled them, tossed them in BBQ sauce, then put them back on the grill so the sauce caramelized onto the wings.
As I brought them inside, my brother-in-law had brought his own bottle of BBQ sauce. That immediately made me wonder if he had assumed I was making plain wings that everyone could sauce themselves.
Out of roughly 50 wings for six adults, he ate maybe two, his wife had one, my father-in-law had three, and my mother-in-law didn't have any. We took a ton of leftovers home.
On the drive home, my wife said she was surprised my wings weren't more popular. I mentioned that maybe her brother expected plain wings because he brought his own BBQ sauce.
She got upset and asked why I had sauced everyone's wings instead of leaving them plain. I said that if I invite people over for BBQ wings, I assume that means wings that are already coated in BBQ sauce, not plain wings with bottles of sauce on the table. She disagreed and said I should have let everyone sauce them however they wanted.
She ended the conversation by saying I should probably just avoid cooking for her parents again because "clearly no one likes the way you cook." Was I actually in the wrong here?
Should I have expected people to want plain wings with sauce on the side, or is it reasonable to assume BBQ wings are supposed to be cooked with the sauce already on them?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Substantial-Sea-3672 said:
Unless you’re eating together every week then whoever is cooking should cook however they want and everyone else can deal with it. That means you suffer through the chicken breast that you had to season afterwards and that they suffer through your cooking preferences as well. Not every meal you eat needs to be perfect. If this is a regular affair though you guys just need to communicate.
HomemadeBananas said:
NTA, who cooks using absolutely no seasoning? How do these people eat at any restaurant or eat food anyone else has prepared other than them doing it their own weird way? Don’t season it for the flavor to develop? Nonsense, seasoning should be added at various steps of the cooking for best results. They can deal with normally cooked food if you’re nice enough to cook for them.
Pudenda726 said:
NTA. But now you know how they eat, I wouldn’t expect them to change. This is what you married into.
inGothWeTrustalways said:
You’re not wrong when it comes to how you cook. My family is the same, we cook with food with spices and salt and pepper. However you did know how they eat their food. In my head you would have known they won’t eat it. Trying to show them what it’s like cooking with spices doesn't work
saxguy9345 said:
NTA. Aside from dietary or allergy restrictions, if I invite people over, I make whatever I want. That's what I'm serving, and I'll let people know ahead for the aforementioned reasons, but I'm not making 4 different versions of everything for different people.
If there are restrictions, I find something delicious that everyone can eat. The wings sound amazing. If they're THAT averse to flavor, just go out to eat with them. Let them pay for their chicken tenders and ketchup.
MapleBreakfastMeat said:
YTA - You knew how they eat and chose to cook differently. It doesn't matter if it is weird or "not the proper way", you knew what they like and intentionally did the opposite. Eating is like and a good cook is like a good lover, they give people what they want. People know how they like to F and people know how they like to eat.
If you can't get over the fact people like different things that you... you are an ahole. It is the exact same energy as an overconfident guy who is arguing with his lover in bed about what she likes because he thinks he knows better...and then getting upset he is failing to satisfy her. If people tell you exactly how to make them happy...don't do the opposite.